Trust and Faith
by Artemisdesari
Summary: Dean talks to Castiel about the events of 5x18, tries to fix things between them as best he can. Coda to the episode and Dean/Cas pre-slash.


_Blatent Point of no Return spoilers within. Who else _cheered_ when Dean stabbed Zach in the head? I certainly cheered loud enough to wake the house. I think I'm a little mad with Dean still though, for the way that he was during the episode. I almost forgave him when he winked at Cas though, almost. Now I think I need to go and write porn for these two as well because this is just too gen for the episode. I needed to fix them a little bit though. So I'm fixing them._

_**Disclaimer:** Do I have to write these still? Really? Because if they were mine I think the episode would have happened a little differently don't you? So obviously not mine, much as I want them and love them.  
_

Trust and Faith.

Dean Winchester knows that while _trusting_ someone and having _faith_ in someone are linked and similar to one another in many ways, they are also very different. After all, you can trust someone without having complete faith in them. Over the last year or so his ability to do both has been sorely tested, to trust Sam, to have _faith_ in his little brother, to trust Castiel who hopped between Dean and Heaven so often before the green room.

The worst of it all this is it has been his own self loathing that caused him to lose faith in his friend, a friend who needed him more desperately after discovering that the Father of them all is just another dead-beat dad, a friend who stuck by him and gave up everything he knew and everything that he had and _all for Dean_.

As for Sam, well, Dean's relationship with his brother has taken too many knocks of late for it to be _easy_ for him to trust as he once did. Ruby, the demon blood, allowing himself to be manipulated into breaking the final seal to Hell, his overwhelming anger at being used every way that he has been for his whole life, Sam is like Lucifer in so many ways that it makes Dean's heart hurt and he wonders if his harsh words were as much designed to save himself heartache when Sam eventually says yes as they were designed to _hurt_ his brother and save _Sam_ the agony of knowing that his brother handed himself to an archangel.

He knows now that he owes a lot of people a lot of apologies, Sam and Bobby included. When he thinks about it he knows that he should apologise to Lisa, too, for scaring her, but right now his main priority is Cas. The angel called Sam about an hour ago to ask for a pick up and it hurts Dean to think of just how _little_ faith the angel has left in him, that he would believe that the hunter has said yes to Michael. He conveniently ignores the fact that right up until he saw the complete betrayal in Sam's eyes that was exactly what he was going to do. He insists on going to collect the angel alone, does not want Sam or Bobby to hear this conversation and knows that it will be a difficult apology to make.

"Dean?" Castiel is half sprawled in a dirty alleyway, his shirt still hanging torn and open and the deep cuts on his chest barely healed. There is no sign of the other angels and that is something that Dean is profoundly grateful for, he has had his fill of trying to kill them today.

"Hey, Cas," the words are soft and low, the sheepish mix of apology with the assurance that he knows he has done the right thing by turning his back on the archangel at the last minute.

"You didn't say yes," Castiel responds and there is wonder and hope in those blue eyes for the first time in too long, but they are accented by something else and Dean knows what it is, knows that it is suspicion and mistrust because the hunter betrayed them all and that is something that cannot be easily forgiven.

"Thought about it," he admits as he helps Cas to his feet, wishing that he had thought to bring a shirt or a t-shirt or _something_ that could be used to cover the pale expanse of the falling angel's chest and the sigil still carved into it.

"What stopped you?" Castiel is as bad as the rest of them, Dean realises, not willing to let something this big go until he has half a chance to understand the reasoning behind it. It makes him think that maybe they should have talked this through a long time ago instead of letting everything pile up on them the way that it has. He is realistic enough to acknowledge that it is not the way that they do things.

"Sam," he pulls off his jacket and wraps it around his friend as he speaks. He can see a flicker of hurt on Castiel's face when he says his brother's name but he knows that Cas understands, knows that Cas has to understand. He also knows that even though the angel may have told him that he had lost all faith in him after the beat down in another alley, in reality Castiel has _some _belief left. The angel _has_ to, because he went along with Sam's crazed plan even though he knew that it was as good as handing Dean to the enemy. It warms him to know that the angel cares about him in some way, it surprises him to find that he wishes it were more.

"Your loyalty to your brother..." Cas begins and cuts himself off.

"What?" Dean slips under one of Castiel's arms, starting to move them forward and feeling the weight of the angel against his back as a wealth of responsibility. Sam is right, he has to stop sacrificing himself. He has to start thinking of the cost that it will have on others.

"It is something you can never give me," Cas mumbles and it is then that Dean understands just how much damage his stupidity has done. It is then that he realises that, for all his words in the past, Castiel feels like an extra or a spare part to be thrown aside as soon as Dean is done with him.

He is not good with these situations, the apology that he knows he should give will not come and he also knows that Castiel no more expects it than he can say it. It is not a part of who he is, not a part of who he was trained to be, so he sets his mouth into a grim line and squeezes the angel's uninjured side in silent understanding before opening the Impala door and sliding the angel in with the tortured ease of too much practice.

"Look, Cas," he does not speak until he is settled next to the angel, until the car is moving again and he knows that neither one of them can escape this without further injury, "I was an ass, ok, but," he pauses again. "Just, just don't think that I don't know what you've done for me," he touches a hand to the cut on his cheek, one that he thinks will probably leave another scar, "you might need to remind me sometimes, but don't think I forgot."

Castiel is silent for a long moment, then he lays a hand on Dean's thigh and the silence goes from awkward to understanding as the angel squeezes. The hunter knows that it will take a long time for Cas to trust him as he once did, for him to find faith in a man broken and haunted by the past and a destiny, but he knows that they will be alright, eventually.

_I love my silly boys, I really do, but I wish they weren't so bone headed._

_Artemis_


End file.
